Saturday, 7 June 2014

G is for Go and buy my new book now, Go on!

And also Gsaturday Gspankings (the 'g' is silent)

This post is part of the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge. What's that I hear you ask? Check out my page here for more information.
Spanking fiction writing, as someone important possibly once said, is 1% creation, 99% shameless self promotion.

It’s not enough just to write the thing. Apparently you have to also let people know it exists. The book buying venn diagram being something like this.

 So unless I want to exclusively concentrate on the accidental cat-walking-on-keyboard market, I really need to advertise my new book in every which way I possibly can including Facebook, twitter, skywriting, wearing a sandwich board around town during my lunch hour and – of course – shamelessly hijacking Saturday Spankings.

Me in a suspiciously American-looking bit of London, yesterday

So go on, buy my new book. Do it right now, in fact. Don’t even bother reading the excerpt below. That’s only eight measly sentences, there. Get the whole book and there’s hundreds of the things. Thousands, even. You like sentences? I totally got your back, bro. Book's full of 'em.

You know when advertisers challenge you to buy their product? Take our challenge and buy Activia Yogurt every day for fourteen days and see how you feel! I always think, that’s not a challenge! That’s just me buying your stuff! I’m not falling for that one. Don’t act like this is a game of truth or dare, Activia.

I probably shouldn’t have brought it up given that I am planning to try that very same tactic here. Why not try the Buying Lady Westbrook’s Discovery Right Now From Amazon Challenge. Go on! I dare you! I double-dare you. Bet you won’t, you chicken.

Or, you know, don’t. It's totally up to you. I don't want to force you into doing anything you don't really want to. I'm not that kind of girl. I don’t think I’m going to be much cop at this aggressive selling thing, to be honest. I mean you could buy Lady Westbrook’s Discovery on for a very reasonable price but maybe there’s other stuff in that you need in your life right now. For the exact same money as Lady Westbrook's Discovery, you could also purchase one of the following:

A tiny, tiny cheese cow (its tininess emphasised by the tiny, tiny picture)
Non-asbestos furnace cement. Wait, do we even need to specify non-asbestos in 2014? 
Isn’t it the same as selling non-cocaine cola and non-heroin tooth drops?

Single Yu-Gi-Oh trading card
(Top Money-saving tip: Instead of paying money for this, why not try printing it out and gluing it to some cardboard from cereal box instead? Just as much fun for a fraction of the price.)
So whatever you do this Saturday, be it buying my book, or cementing your furnace with non carcinogenic materials, or completing your yu-gi-oh trading card collection, or eating teeny tiny novelty cheese animals or whatever the hell else takes your fancy, enjoy yourselves. Have a great weekend.

The spanking excerpt this week comes from my new book Lady Westbrook’s Discovery (have I mentioned I have a new book out?). Felix Oliver is about to give Lady Westbrook her first spanking:

You know you want it
“Right,” said Mr Oliver. “You asked that I spank you as I would if we were married and you were being punished so I do not intend to be lenient.” 
Margaret drew in her breath sharply. 
“However,” he continued. “We are not man and wife so I will not punish you in the same manner that I would employ if we were. If we were married then you would be feeling these strokes on your bare bottom. As it is, you will have your skirts to give you some protection.” 
Thank heavens for that, thought Margaret. She had not even considered the possibility of baring her bottom when she had suggested the spanking.

Check out this week’s Saturday Spankers below or click here for the Spanking A-Z Blogger Linky List.


  1. Yes ma'am, I'll do as you say! I love your direct marketing approach. I have the urge to go to everyone I know and say the same thing.

  2. Etta Stark you are crazy! Did you all just put those American flags up for where you were shamelessly self promoting to get more Americans to buy your book?? ;) On a serious note, I don't think there should be any shame in promoting a book. If you don't, it's like a secret book that no one knows about. That's not fair really to the author or to readers whom we all know WANT to read our books! Well done, I say.

  3. I bought it! Who could resist such a compelling campaign???

    1. Thank you! Especially as my campaign got a bit derailed at the end, there. You might have decided to get some furnace cement instead.

  4. What a cute post. Love it, the diagram, the snippet, all of it.

  5. You're a nut and I love it! I already bought it, so now I will just go buy that Yu Gi Oh card or something I guess.

  6. Wonderfully creative post, Etta, and I hope it nets you many sales. Off to Amazon now. I'm really tempted to get that tiny cheese cow. So cute! (Only joking).

  7. She should have thought it through! LOL. I wonder how many people KNOW their cats are buying books?

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  9. Before I run off and start the voodoo-doll-making process, please fix my typo above, because it's bothering me. I won't sleep due to worrying about it. Later tonight: Tick tock, tick tock ... "And I had that damned typo on Etta's blog in my comment." Tick tock tick tock. "I bet it's still there." Tick tock, tick tock. "I'm sure it's still there." Tick tock, tick tock. "I bet she can't fix it." Tick tock, tick tock. Yeah, long night ahead for me.

    1. I can't fix the typo, Sheri! Blogger wont afford me that sort of power. I could delete it entirely but then you'll going to look even more unhinged than normal. So I guess that's just a bunch of sleepless nights for you. Which is unfortunate because you've got approximately six billion voodoo dolls to make which is going to keep you pretty busy.

    2. OK here is my workaround because I will not allow Booger (as I call it -- NO offense to anyone intended) to defeat me. Below is my cut-and-pasted and TYPO-CORRECTED comment, and then I deleted the original TYPO-COMMENT. HAHA! Unhinged indeed. ;) I have many voodoo dolls to make but I am up to the task.

      Sheri's Comment With Typo Fixed:
      I like the cow part especially. God I hope people buy your book. IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY TO FIND IT, A LINK OR SOMETHING TO SHOW US THE WAY. As God is my witness, Etta Snark[sic], I will make a voodoo doll of any people who don't buy your book and stick pin after pin into them. I have lots of little hobbies. And time.

    3. Yeah you don't look crazy at all now, Sheri.

      Anyone reading this is going to wonder what was so terrible in the first post that you had to expunge it from history. Personally, I think your Hitler fantasies are no-one's business but your own...

  10. I loved this post! I have mine and am hoping to start it soon! Now I have to skip over to Amazon to buy my cheese cow!!!

    1. Thank you! I bet novelty cheese cow sales went through the roof yesterday.

  11. Great Post Etta! I love your snarky shameless promotion.
    The snippet is really hot too. ヅ

  12. thanks for the all the giggles, Etta :) my only quandary is if this is a book in a series or not and if I have space on my TBR :D