Saturday, 31 May 2014

Saturday Spankings - Agreeing to be punished

Happy Saturday, everyone! If you saw my post yesterday, you will know that I am participating in the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge in the month of June. I really hope you will come and check out all my alphabet-related posts. I'm starting on Sunday 1st June with - rather controversially - the letter 'A'.

Todays Saturday Spankings snippet comes from my current work in progress. In the story, stuffy Lord Westbrook (son of the Lady Westbrook who stars in my forthcoming book) has become acquainted with unconventional free spirit, Cass - a proud member of the Women's Suffrage Society and advocate of the Rational Dress Movement.

Cass jokingly suggested to Lord Westbrook that she deserved to be punished for an earlier embarrassing incident. Their walk has brought them to a now-empty gardener's cottage on his Lordship's grounds where he intends to take her at her word.

“You suggested earlier that I should punish you for your bad behaviour,” Lord Westbrook said. “I think that’s an excellent idea. We will not be disturbed here.” 
“How do you intend to do that?”  Cass asked. 
Was that a flicker of a smile she saw cross his stern features? “Oh, I think there is only one type of punishment suitable for this occasion. You deserve to be spanked. Do you agree? 
She nodded cautiously. 
“Very well then. Bend over the edge of the bed.”

Remember to check out the rest of the Saturday Spankers below! And keep popping back here throughout June for alphabet-based spanking awesomeness!

Friday, 30 May 2014

Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge

You'll have noticed that things have been a bit quieter than usual round here lately. There is, I assure, you a perfectly good reason for that.

Consider it the calm before the storm. For the month of June things are going to go ker-azy around here.

I have signed up to the Spanking from A-Z Blog Challenge as promoted by the lovely Celeste Jones over at Spanking Romance Reviews.

I will be sharing 26 alphabet-themed posts throughout June, each I suspect more randomly cobbled together and tenuously linked to spanking than the last.

It will be something of a challenge but I'm gearing myself up to it as we speak. Imagine an 80's-style training montage only instead of my boxing muscles it's my blogging muscles I'm working on. Hoo yeah, baby. I'm ready to blog!

If you're spanking blogger and you haven't put your name down yet then what on earth are you waiting for, you big chicken? Come on, all the cool kids are doing it!

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Saturday Spankings - Wedding Night Spanking

Hey guys it's Saturday again which means it's time again for Saturday Spankings. Clue's in the name, really.

It's another snippet from my forthcoming book which will presumably be published at some point. I have no clue. Blushing Books seem to have gone strangely quiet on me which I hope is down to them being super-busy rather than because they totally hate the thing.

I'm feeling a bit cross about it, to be honest. It was being offered as an Advanced Reader Copy back on 6th May and there's still no word of a publication date. I was kind of surprised to see it on the ARC list alongside the first two Corbins Bend books. Not least because I hadn't even seen the final edited version at that point. It felt just a tad premature to be offering the thing up before we had a cover, a release date or even a a title that I was happy with.

Whenever I read Blushing's ARC books, the books are always up on the website by the time I've finished. Which to be fair, makes the whole "leaving a review" thing a whole lot easier. Anyone's who elected to read an advanced copy of my book won't have seen hide nor hair of the thing on Blushing Book's website or Amazon since which at best looks unprofessional and at worst looks like there was some kind of massive problem with the book which I am pretty sure there isn't.

Sorry for moaning. Please rest assured the book will be out AT SOME POINT with SOME TITLE and quite probably A LOVELY COVER.

Carry on being patient, my lovelies. It'll be worth it. In the mean time, enjoy this snippet. Scientist, Felix Oliver has successfully courted Lady Margaret Westbrook despite the disapproval of her son, the current Lord Westbrook, and the substantial age difference between the two of them.  The following scene takes place on their wedding night. Felix is setting some ground rules.

She felt herself suddenly and unceremoniously being lifted from the bed and hauled face down over Felix’s lap. Before she had a moment to gather her wits, she felt the force of his hand administering a series of hard swats. He spanked her quickly and thoroughly on every square inch of her barely-covered rear. The force of the spanking left her bottom feeling sore and full of a warmth which was spreading quickly to her belly. 
The spanking apparently over, Felix lifted Margaret from her position across his knees and sat her beside him on the bed. 
“What was that for?” asked Margaret indignantly. 
“Consider it a short sharp lesson. I’m a liberal-minded chap, and I’m prepared to accept almost any kind of language in the bedroom, but what I’m not prepared to accept are the phrases ‘get it out of the way’ or ‘get it over with quickly’ in regards to our lovemaking. You had best remember that.”

Check out the other Saturday Spanks posts by people who are in a more upbeat mood than me.

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Why my hero won't use a belt

At the moment, I am writing my third book set in Victorian England. Much as I love writing about this particular period in history I have – for the third time – find myself cursing the restrictions that the men’s fashions of the day impose on a spanking author.

You see an Englishman in the 19th century wouldn’t have worn a belt. He didn’t even have a place to put a belt on his trousers. The fashion was to have smooth high-waisted trousers which created a tidy silhouette. All very pretty but not much use to me when I want my hero to give a belt spanking to the heroine.


The belt is the perfect implement when you want a spanking to be impromptu enough for the protagonist not to have pre-arranged any implements, but still allow the characters to take things up a notch from a hand spanking. And I love a good belt spanking. I especially love the bit when the hero takes his belt off prior to chastisement.

Take this bit from Renee Rose’s modern day romance The Bossman:
“He smiled a slow, dangerous smile as he pulled the belt free of his belt loops and doubled it, smacking his palm with a resounding whap.”

Mmmmm. Oh wait, where was I?

Not that you have to set your story in the modern day to enjoy a bit of belt spanking. Belt wearing wasn’t unknown during the period I’m writing about. It just wasn’t going on it the bits of the world where my characters are.  Five thousand miles away in the Wild West, every guy had a convenient length of leather secured round his middle which he could use to redden the backside of a deserving young lady. No wonder everyone loves a cowboy romance.

Just look at the belts on those two.

It’s no good to me though. I have a young woman bent over a table in a furnished – but not lived in – gardener’s cottage and a stuffy Lord eager to give her the thrashing she deserves.

Previous protagonists have used a leather strap from a packing case and a razor strop to good effect but I can’t see why either of those things would be to hand in my current scenario. It’s so frustrating. I feel like I’m stuck in one of those 1980s text based computer games.

 What about a riding crop? Surely I could orchestrate a reason to have one nearby. I had considered a walking stick but that seemed a bit too brutal. Although having said that, take a look at the dapper young fellows in this drawing:

Every single one of them has elected to pose with the thinnest weediest looking walking stick imaginable. Those whippy little numbers would probably only be usefully employed in a spanking. I can’t imagine they would give you a lot of support if you wanted to go fell walking.

Clearly more research is in order, here. 

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Saturday Spankings - Lady Westbrook's Rebuke

Last week, I posted a snippet from my forthcoming book, Lady Westbrook's Discovery in which, during one of her first conversations with the hero, scientist Felix Oliver, the conversation turned to spanking. Mr Oliver tells her that he believes most women would benefit from a sound spanking. He follows this up by telling Lady Westbrook that "I dare say if you were my wife, you would benefit very well indeed from being taken over my knee and soundly spanked from time to time". The following conversation ensues:

“That seems an unlikely scenario, Mr Oliver. You are, after all, young enough to be my son. Surely it should be me administering the well-deserved spanking to your backside?” 
Mr Oliver’s deep blue eyes flashed with – what? Anger? Mirth? 
He placed his hand at the back of Margaret’s head and tilted her face upwards towards him further still. He gently traced the outline of her cheek with his other hand. She was suddenly aware of his muscular body, far closer to her than could in any way be deemed proper. 
“Why don’t you try to do that?” he said softly, issuing a challenge. “I promise that it won’t end at all well for you.”
Remember to check out all the other lovely* Saturday Spankings.

*Obviously I don't actually know that they're lovely because I haven't read them yet. But I'm sure they will be. They usually are.

Friday, 16 May 2014

Six things that sound like they should be porn but aren't

A Very Naughty Girl

Written in 1901 by prolific children's writer L T Meade, this is a moralistic tale about an orphaned heiress who goes to live with her stiff English relatives and learns important life lessons about not lying and thinking of others and stuff. Nothing sexy happens anywhere. Unfortuantely due to some confusion in, it was categorised under erotica for a while. This led to a number of disgruntled reviews. "Was expecting a saucy read, on the sly, was very disappointing. Don't bother with this 'Sexy' book. Could do better myself" said one reviewer, clearly under the impression that Meade had intended to write a sexy book and had failed miserably in her attempts. Another reviewer described it as "about 4 shades of grey" I'm amazed she felt like she got even 8% of E L James' kinky fuckery count. Others were more sanguine about it: "This has found itself in a soft porn category. It is nothing of the sort. Almost written as a mid ages fairy tale. Full of moral value . Different and I enjoyed the read." That reader sounds like she was looking for soft porn, got A Very Naughty Girl and unexpectedly enjoyed the 'Moral Value' anyway. L T Meade would have have approved of the reviewer's virtuous redemption.

Of Human Bondage

Unfortunately for fans of BDSM, all the bondage in W Somerset Maughan's classic novel is purely metaphorical. Protagonist Phillip Carey suffers his way through existence making himself and everyone else miserable along the way. Still, if you had thought otherwise, you'd be in good company. In an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a fellow student asks Buffy if she's ever read it. To which she replies "Oh, I'm not really into porn. I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back."


1999 Australian comedy about a group of Italian Australians setting up a cafe in Adelaide. The guys for some reason decide that 'Spank!' is the perfect name for their cafe. You'd think that would rather depend on the sort of customers they were planning on attracting.

The Whip

Another ridiculously prolific writer. Catherine Cookson wrote 'It's grim up North' tales of young lasses trying to survive hardships and find true love. She was the most borrowed author from public libraries  for years and years until well after the death. Because, let's face it, 99% of library users are grannies and grannies love that shit. None of her books contained any sexy BDSM whip action and the promisingly-titled "The Whip" was, sadly, no exception.

Hideous Kinky

Esther Freud's autobiographical novel was turned into a film starring Kate Winslet in 1998. The words of the title are a snippet of conversation that the young girls in the story have overheard, liked the sound of and incorporated into a game. Given the odd grammatical coupling of the words, if you had expected  this to be porn, you probably weren't expecting it to be very well-written porn.

Free Willy

I don't think this even sounds particularly porn-y to Americans. Whale's name is Willy, what's your problem, you might think. Well, not only is it euphemism for the male sexual organ, it is the one I am most likely to use if I find myself having to refer to one.  (In real life, obviously, not in my books. There they all have 'throbbing manhoods' and 'impressive rods'.) They might as well have called the film "Free Penis" and be done with it, as far as I was concerned. How far would you go for a friend, indeed?

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Greetings from Corbin's Bend

Corbin's Bend is a special co-operative housing project run by and for spankophiles which provides a warm and welcome environment for everyone who believes in domestic discipline and erotic spanking. It is located, in one sense, in the mountains of Colorado. Although in another sense, it is - disappointingly - located in the imaginations of the authors taking part in this ten-book writing project.

The first book - Find their Bliss by Thianna D - came out last week and the second - Sarah's Tutorial by Emily Tilton - is released today.

You can read my review of the first two books at Spanking Romance Reviews.

I mentioned in my review that if spanking books had the same promotion budgets as big blockbuster movies then we'd have been seeing Corbin's Bend posters on billboards everywhere. Through the magic of the internet, we can all appreciate what that world would look like.

While you're twiddling your thumbs waiting for the next Corbin's Bend book release by Tara Finnegan on May 28th, you can visit their excellent blog, where you can enjoy a personal tour from the founders himself. See you don't get that sort of service just anywhere - they know how to look after you in Corbin's Bend. As fictional spanking communities go, it's definitely the loveliest.

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Saturday Spankings - New Book! Soon to be Released!

So I feel like I have been banging on about my imminent new book for ages but, trust me, it's coming. It's on  its way. It was originally called 'Like the Lightning' and now might be 'Lady Westbrook's Discovery' or might yet be called something else before the actual release day. It will be called something though, I absolutely guarantee it. Maybe I should just use a squiggle. Like when Prince changed his name to

The story, set in 1870, centres on Lady Margaret Westbrook, a 41 year old widow, who hasn't really thought about sex or relationships in the ten years since her husband's death. Things change when she meets dashing young scientist, Felix Oliver who decides to court her despite the sixteen year gap in their ages.

The extract below comes from their first meeting. They start off talking about equal rights for women and the subject veers off onto spanking. As it so often does.

“So I take it you approve of the idea of schools administering corporal punishment to girls?” 
“Of course. Many do already but it isn’t given the same importance as it is with boys. Completely the opposite of how it should be, in my opinion.” 
“How so?” 
“Women respond to physical discipline so much better than men. Boys should only be beaten until they reach adulthood but women can benefit from physical chastisement their whole lives.” 
“How can you suggest such a thing?” Margaret was shocked. “I thought you were an advocate of equal rights for women?” 
“Being equal doesn’t mean being the same,” replied Mr Oliver smiling. “And the two sexes are certainly not the same. I think most women would benefit from the occasional sound spanking. I haven’t conducted a full scientific study, though. Perhaps I should devote some time to practical research into the matter.”

As always, remember to swing by the blogs below for more Saturday Spanking goodness.

Friday, 9 May 2014

What's in a name?

How important are character names in books?

Sure, a name is often the first thing your readers will learn about a character but surely any name will end up fitting if you've written the character well enough. Like with real people.

Unlike fictional people, real people don't have proper personalities when they're given names. Sometimes they don't even exist yet. Everyone matches their name though. You know your friend, Josh? He's like totally a Josh, right? In fact Josh is so Josh-y that he actually informs your opinion of Joshness is all about. Pick any of your friends and they will have the absolutely most appropriate name for their personality.

Sometimes he's actually a bit too Josh.
So, if parents can do it without even trying surely writers should have no trouble at all. I mean thinking of the best words for things is what we do, right? And what's name, if not the best word for a particular person.

Douglas Adams once responded to thirteen year-old young novelist, who was having great difficulty thinking up names for characters: "If you are having trouble in thinking up character names you are probably using the wrong kind of coffee. Have you tried an Italian blend?"

Adams's coffee must have been top-notch given that he came up with character names that included Slartibartfast, Zaphod Beeblebrox and Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six.

To begin with, Adams wanted Slartibartfast to be called Phartiphukborlz which is even more extraordinary when you remember that Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was originally a radio show.
Romance writing has its own naming conventions. As a young teenager, I devoured Mills & Boon romances and quickly realised that there was a distinct naming convention at work. All the alpha male heroes had to have tough, monosyllabic names with distinct that consonant sounds which showed they were tough no-nonsense kinda guys: Brad, Clint, Tex, Max, Duke, Tate, that sort of thing. Names you could shout out in the middle of a bar fight over the sounds of chairs being smashed over people's heads. The heroine's names were usually longer flowerier and unusual enough to remind you that the heroine was that little bit special. Something like Celestia, Delphine, Linnea or Adoria.

My books so far have both been set in Victorian times which obviously limits the possible names for my characters. My plans of having a 1890s heroine called M'kaylah have been shelved for now.

There's an excellent gadget called the NameWizard at which will show you on a graph how popular names were in any year. It allows you to see how likely a name would be for the time period in which you are writing. It also allows you to marvel at the weird spikes in baby naming fashion trends. Why was there a sudden spike in the popularity of 'Boris' in the '50s and '60s when it had been roundly shunned before and after?

I recently read the first chapter of a Barbara Cartland novel set in 1816. Two of her protagonists were called Cheryl and Sharon. You know that scene in Ted where Mark Wahlberg rattles off a bunch of white-trash names? If you were to recreate that scene with British names, then Cheryl and Sharon would both be there.

(No offence to any Cheryls and Sharons reading this of course, you guys are pure class.)

I wanted to give Cartland the benefit of the doubt. Maybe, those names were wildly popular in Georgian times. I checked though. Computer says no.

The best character names are the one the ones that epitomise your character so perfectly that they become shorthand for that type of person afterwards. Charles Dickens was a master of this - Scrooge is now the name for both the man and the character flaw. Not that Dickens was particularly subtle. The grinding schoolteacher in Hard Times was called Mr M'Choakumchild.

There are some truly great fictional character names out there. Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler, for instance. (And, they conform to the Mills & Boon naming convention, I've just realised.) 

Rhett: More popular today than it's ever been.
Jay Gatsby. Norman Bates. Harry Potter. All the character's names in Grease. If you showed someone who had never seen Grease a picture of the Pink Ladies, they would be able to tell you straightaway who was who out of Sandy, Rizzo, Frenchy, Jan and Marty. There's no way to test this because obviously there isn't a single person anywhere who hasn't seen Grease but I bet I'm right none the less.

I don't know if I will be able to come up with perfect character names for all my books although I am resolved to select a name I can actually write for the next one. The heroine of my latest book is called Lady Margaret Westbrook. Turns out I really can't type the word Margaret. It's one of those words that ties my fingers in knots. Management is another. It usually comes out 'mnageement'  It was a pain in the arse to have to go through each chunk of text after a writing session and fix every Maragret, Maragaret and Mraagret . The hero is called Felix Oliver which is a name I flat out stole from an ex-colleague of mine. Fictional Felix Oliver is nothing like his real-life counterpart, I just wanted the name. Although there's potential for embarrassment there if my book turns out to be the next Fifty Shades of Grey and the Daily Mail decide to track him down. Fingers crossed that doesn't happen.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Liebster Award

I have been nominated for the Liebster Award by the lovely Megan Michaels. You can check out her Liebster Award blog entry here.

The Liebster Award is passed around the blogging community in order to promote great blogs and find out a bit more about the bloggers who make them.

I have listed the Liebster Rules on separate page. This blog is going to be quite long enough as it is.

So here are the questions that Megan set for me and my very best attempts to answer them.

1.       What is your favourite way to spend a Saturday?

At the moment, when I am not working, I am studying for a BA Hons in Computer Sciences. This means that most of my Saturdays are spent either (a) studying or (b) feeling guilty because I am not studying. At some point in the future (October this year), I will be finished this thing and my Saturdays will be my own again. I have no idea what I will do but whatever it is will be my new Favourite Thing.

2.        Do you have any pet peeves?

I’m a pretty easy going person. Generally, I’m all ‘live and let live’ and ‘go with the flow’. We’re all just doing our best to get along in this crazy world, you know, man?

This attitude doesn’t extend to people who sit down on crowded trains though. Those people can Fuck. Right. Off.

I commute into London each day which I enjoy doing but the trains are always standing room only by the time I get on them. Some people who don’t get seats sit down in the aisles between carriages. Usually with their legs outstretched and a laptop perched on top, taking up about three times the space of a standing-up person. They’re probably talking loudly to Jeremy at the office on their mobile phones as well. The wankers.

It’s a petty thing to get worked up about and I sort of hate myself for doing so. Some people write to newspapers suggesting that fat people should pay more for train tickets because they take up more room. Do I want to be like those people?

Well, no. I don’t want to begrudge my fellow human beings every last bit of space. But, you know, getting annoyed with sitting-on-the-floor people isn’t the same as getting annoyed with fat people. I’m pretty big. On a crowded train journey there isn’t going to be anything I can do about that in the next 40 minutes that will make my fellow passengers’ lives any easier. But floor-sitters, they could improve everyone’s situation in about five seconds flat.

I don’t say anything, obviously. This is British Rail - I don’t even make eye contact with anyone. Although, there’s a good chance that one day I will completely flip out and just start stamping on their stupid selfish legs.

3.      What were you like as a kid?

I spent a lot of time in my own head. You know Calvin and Hobbes cartoons where Calvin creates his own fantastical worlds? I was pretty much like that but with girlier fantasies.

 4.      Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?

The closest thing I can think of was at college when some guys decided that everyone is our group should change their name to Dave to make life easier (there were a few Daves in the group already, you see.) So we had Big Dave, Small Dave, Super Dave, French Dave etc. I was Girl Dave.

5.      Who was your favourite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?

I’m sure there were wonderful kind teachers who put themselves out for me. In fact, I know there were. But for the most part school was such a completely horribly miserable time for me that most of the details including any particular teachers have been sort of expunged from my memory.

College was a lot more positive but not because of the professors. Study was something that sort of happened in between the good bits.

6.      If your house was on fire, what’s the first thing you’d grab to save? And why?

Well assuming that my daughter and cat made it out all right, then nothing probably. I know it’s a boring answer but it’s all just stuff really.

If I was feeling practical then grabbing a coat and my mobile phone would probably be a good idea. Knowing me, though, I’d panic and grab the first things I laid my hands on. I’d rush out of the house clutching a hole punch, my jellyfish lamp and a half-eaten box of cereal or something.

7.      What was your favourite childhood toy? 

My stuffed toy panda called ‘Panda’. My sister bit off his nose when she was little and he always had a bit of a surprised look about him. We’re still close.

In fact, here's the guy himself checking out the blog earlier today.

8.      What was your worst job?

Something data-inputty, I suspect. I haven’t done anything particularly remarkable in its awfulness.

9.      Where is your happy space?

I’ve never really understood that idea to be honest. My happiness or unhappiness is more to do with where my head is at than my surroundings. For good or ill, I have to take my head around with me everywhere I go. If that’s in a bad way then no happy space is going to sort me out.

10.  What is in your fridge right now?

My fridge is always full of stuff. I really like food. Probably the most exciting things in there right now are half a lemon meringue pie and some Wensleydale with cranberries.

11.  If you could travel back to any one point in time what would it be? And why?

Wait, how am I going to get there? Am I going to be able to come home again or do I have to stay there forever? If I can get back easily, can I nip back and forwards regularly? Perhaps setting up some kind of shampoo and cosmetics business in Victorian London and blowing everybody’s minds by introducing them to Tresemme conditioner and watermelon-flavoured lip gloss?

On second thoughts, I still don’t think I’ll risk it even with a completely reliable time machine that’s had multiple five star reviews on Amazon.

I write historical fiction so you’d think I’d leap at the chance but, seriously, it would be horrible to actually do it, don’t you think? You’d go with all these romantic ideas and be confronted by the reality of the subjugation of women, social immobility, bad body odours, and poisonous wallpaper.

So thanks for the offer but I am going to stay here in the 21st century. Apart from anything else, I hear The Past has terrible mobile phone reception.

OK, So that's the end of the question and answer session. Thanks for some great questions, Megan!

It's not over yet though. Now I have to tell you eleven interesting facts about myself. ELEVEN! Seriously, even actual interesting people don't have eleven whole facts, surely. Anyway here's my best attempt.

1. I am a fully trained Open Water Diver.

2. The first piece of writing I ever had published was in Prediction magazine and was about the magical properties of herbs.

3. I used to write a blog called C-List Celebrity Workouts- a weekly review of fitness workouts by celebrities whose talents lie entirely elsewhere. It's on hiatus at the moment because it was quite time-consuming and, well,  something had to give. I hope to return to it at some point. My favourite review was the one I did for Barbie's Dance Workout. Although Mark Wahlberg's was fun, too.

4. I failed my driving test the first seven times I took it. Plus I had two driving tests book that I didn't even show up for. So, I either passed on my eighth or tenth time depending on how you count it. Either way, I'm really not a natural born driver.

5. My blood group is A negative which is only shared by 7% of the population. So not super-rare but a little bit special.

6. I invited Prince Edward to my fourteenth birthday. I got a  nice letter back from Buckingham Palace saying that HRH thanked me for the invitation but was busy that day.

7. I can move objects using just the power of mind. Just small things - pencils and the like - nothing unwieldy or heavy.

8. I won the title Best Dressed Female at my college awards. At the time my look mostly consisted of flowery charity shop dresses, paratrooper boots and a massive men's overcoat. I had a whole hippy grunge thing going on.

9. I was once arrested under suspicion of possessing illegal substances. I wasn't charged though. I'm a good(ish) girl really.

10. I lived in Hong Kong during my formative childhood years. The only Cantonese I can speak are the numbers one to ten.

11. I made up one of the above facts. You can probably guess which one.

Right, you all know far more about me than you could ever thought you wanted to.

I have an awesome set of people to pass the Liebster Award baton onto:

Saturday, 3 May 2014

Saturday Spankings - An unpleasant encounter

Hi, everyone! Happy Saturday! I didn't participate in Saturday Spanks last week because Real Life got in the way but I'm back now!

I am including an excerpt from my book His Lordship's Apprentice where the heroine Violet has been followed into the dining room by the unpleasant Mr Galloway. Nothing bad is going to happen at this point, but, you know, he's not a nice guy and he's putting doubts in her mind about the legitimate nice guy, Lord Hardcastle.

 “This is the room where I saw you for the first time - that business with the escaped dove. Such naughty, terrible language you used. I hope Hardcastle punished you most severely for it.” 
Violet felt herself blush crimson. Of course, Lord Hardcastle had caned her as a punishment for the incident back when she was still his maid but she had no desire to discuss it with odious Mr Galloway as she hoped it was a private matter between herself and Lord Hardcastle. 
Had he discussed it with his friends? The idea that her punishment may have been turned into an entertaining anecdote infuriated her.

As always check out the other great links.

Friday, 2 May 2014

It's the First of May! (Almost)

I can't believe I missed the chance to post this yesterday. Jonathan Coulton is one of my absolute favourite musicians. His funny/geeky/heartbreaking songs are played pretty much on a constant loop on my Spotify.

His song, 'First of May' is apparently based on the traditional schoolyard rhyme "Hooray, Hooray, the first of May! Outdoor fucking starts today!" Clearly we were doing schoolyard rhymes all wrong at my school because I don't think we had anything ruder than "Ooh - Ah! I lost my bra! I left my knickers in my boyfriend's car!"

So I should have posted this yesterday but you know, it just STARTS on the first of May. The second of May is still good for enjoying yourselves outdoors. Off you go.

I hope you enjoy it. Who wouldn't be charmed by lyrics like this?

I'll bring a blanket and I promise I will brush the ants off 
You're gonna like it when we're taking each other's pants off

You should also check out this YouTube video for one of Jonathan Coulton's other songs "Shop Vac" because the song is great and the video is an extraordinary painstaking work of art. (It's 'kinetic typography animation', apparently)