Book Review - Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyers

Two Stars

Beware! There will be spoilers for this book and the original Twilight Saga aplenty here!

Look, I don’t actually hate the Twilight books. I think I need to make that clear upfront because I suspect that I am not going to have a lot positive to say about Stephanie Meyer’s latest book Midnight Sun, a retelling of Twilight from the point of view of Edward Cullen.

The original four books were fine. The story arc actually made a lot of sense once the reader reached the end of the story. Bella Swann was born to be a vampire. Literally. That’s why she was so klutzy as a human, she’d been living as the wrong species for seventeen years. She was somehow already imbued with the supernatural spooky woo magic and nobody really realised until she got to Forks. A place where presumably there was enough residual werewolf/vampire magic sloshing around to ensure that Bella – hitherto nondescript and ignored by the boys at her Arizona school - was even a desirable siren to the muggles.

And she was of course irresistible to Edward the brooding vampire. They fall into a love that is deep and wide and heavy and all-consuming and stuff and a whole bunch of dangerous hi-jinks ensue before the happy couple (and their magical offspring) get their happy ending and go skipping off into the sunrise.

Which is all well and good. But we did that already. Why the need for the new book? Why, specifically did I feel the need to spend £10.99 on a book where at least 50% of the text is exactly the same as a book I’ve already purchased? There should have been some kind of discount for people who bought the original book, surely? I’ve already paid for this dialogue!

And, while we’re questioning the wisdom of me buying this book in the first place, why am I reviewing it here on a website that is usually focused on fiction which a good deal more sexy, spanky and salacious than this high-school-based apparently doomed romance? I don’t really have a good answer to that. I feel that Twilight does fit in quite happily amongst my usual sort of romantic fare. The tropes are the same, there’s a flawed hero and a submissive-yet-feisty heroine, obstacles to be overcome and (eventually) a happy ever after that will literally go on for ever in this case. There are lines like “She gasped in reaction, her lips parting against mine, the fever of her breath burning my skin”. And, of course, Twilight famously inspired the Fifty Shades of Grey books.

The story begins with Bella’s first day at her new school. Edward – in whose brain the reader will now live for the next 671 pages – is all too aware of the arrival of the new girl. This is because he is besieged with the thoughts of all the other students and they all seem to be thinking “There’s a new girl starting today, wonder what she’s like?”

The way in which the innermost thoughts of the local human population are depicted is my first real problem with this book. All the thoughts that Edward eavesdrops on seem remarkably tidy. People apparently think in full sentences as though they’re composing their daily journal.

I really don’t think people think that way. I certainly don’t. I have no idea how I would begin to write down the jumbled, cacophonous noise that makes up my continual inner monologue; the snippets of songs, imaginary conversations, berating inner critical voice and the Tourettes-like mental blurtings running through my head – usually all at the same time.

You can see why Meyers doesn’t try to render this sort of stream of consciousness into words in Midnight Sun. It would turn the whole thing into some kind of sub-Joycean gobbledegook. And, really, everybody else’s thoughts are only there as a plot device. Edward’s head-hopping is one of the many creepy ways that he can keep a metaphorical eye on Bella.

I can accept that the vampire characters have tidier more organised thoughts than the rest of us. They know that they’re being listened to, for one thing. Also, vampires are Weird and Not Like Us Humans. I think that’s the one bit of vampire canon we can agree on.

Not Like Us

The most original bits of the book – and therefore the most interesting – are when Edward takes trips down memory lane and we discover more about what he was up to during his early pre-Bella vampire years. Why couldn’t we have had more of that? A Twilight prequel would have been a lot more fun than a scene-by-scene re-telling of an existing book.

The first half of this book really drags. We’re way past the halfway mark before Edward even does his sparkly skin party trick. (And the build-up to that goes on forever. It’s tedious having to listen to Edward worry about how Bella is going to find him repulsive and disgusting once she finds out e can look like he’s made of diamonds. Because, yeah, humans hate sparkly things, obviously. The whole nature of Edward’s hideous skin aberration is kept coyly under wraps during Edward’s prolonged mithering. We already know that he glitters like a Claire’s Accessories headband in the sunlight! There can’t be a single person reading this book who hasn’t either read the books, watched the films or seen at least one of the hundreds of Twilight Tinkerbell memes

 

The minutiae of Bella’s mostly humdrum life is fascinating to Edward. Not so much for the rest of us. Did everything take so long to happen in the original book? Quite possibly. I think I have compressed all four Twilight books into one narrative in my head so I’ve forgotten how much of the first book was just spent faffing about.

Like the original book, it all kicks off later on with perilous mortal danger and whatnot. But it isn’t improved any by being narrated by one of the undead.

He might be over a hundred years old but this glimpse into Edward’s psyche just demonstrates that he is in fact a whiny little seventeen year old at heart. At one point Edward says “I wished … I wouldn’t have time to obsess over and over again about the same problems”. So do we, Edward. So do we.

This book was twelve years in the making. I’m sure Twilight’s many fans are pleased that it’s here. But really, there was little point in it existing in the first place. If there are any new insights into Edward’s character, I’m afraid it was all rather lost in the relentless teenage existential angst. Edward Cullen is literally a mythological creature, you think it would be fun time to spend time in the head of a monster. Sadly, Meyers has demonstrated that it isn’t.

 

 

Book Review - The English Professor by Rachel de Vine

 

 
 

Five Stars!

You know that feeling when you finish a book and then you're a bit sad because it means you can't read that book any more? There's probably a term for it - Reader Drop, or something. Anyway, that's exactly how I felt when I finished Rachel de Vine's The English Professor.

This is a wonderful book. The story spans twenty years and envelops the reader so completely that by the time you reach the last page, you don't want to leave.

Eleanor is in her final year of university when she meets English professor, Dan Jamieson. His admiration for her as a talented English student develops into something more and their feelings for one another develop over a mutual love of literature, classic erotica and, eventually, kinky sex.

This book has a lot to answer for.

Their brief love affair is beautifully described and scorchingly hot. Unfortunately, it is also inevitably doomed. Because he is her professor after all, and recreating scenes from The Story of O with one of the students in your class is generally frowned upon by University authorities.

The book begins with Eleanor expressing regret for the mistakes of the last twenty years and tells the reader that 'having met up with Dan again', she wanted the opportunity to tell both their stories. This serves as warning from the very first page that the paths of these two protagonists isn't going to be a straightforward journey to sexy, kinky true love.

And, my god, it really isn't. This book will tie your heart up in knots, then break it and then put it all back together again. In a good way.

Alongside Eleanor and Dan, there are a host of wonderfully realised supporting characters. The best of which is literary agent, Betty Conway, a no-nonsense lesbian with a fantastic line in dry humour and caustic comments who is nevertheless an understated champion of Eleanor and Dan's love.

The cover of this book - although very pretty - almost does it a disservice. This isn't a "Seduced by my Sexy Professor" XXXX bit of porny fluff (although to be fair, I do like a bit of porny fluff too sometimes).

This is a story of love, of life, of missed opportunities and a message to the reader that something that has been lost does not have to stay lost forever.

Rachel de Vine's The English Professor is available on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk.

Book Review - Alpha by Sara Fields

Alpha

Four Stars

When Doctor Dawn Lowe is forcibly removed from her laboratory by high ranking government officials to work on top secret project, she has no idea what is in store for her. She certainly couldn't have expected to discover that she was the chosen Omega for a shape-shifting wolf Alpha. Because, who would? That's not the sort of stuff that you schedule into your five-year career plan.

We readers know that something like that was bound to happen because this is a sexy spanking shape-shifter romance with a half-naked man on the cover. And luckily, Dawn is brought up to speed with everything pretty quickly when she meets a Beta wolf, Rebecca, who she has been assigned to study. Rebecca tells her that she is the Chosen One and that the Alpha is on his way to free the shifters and to claim her as his own. So at least she gets a bit of warning before it all kicks off.

Kiba, the Alpha, formed apparently from the very earth itself, is a marvellously sexy example of leadership and pure unadulterated Domminess all wrapped up in a body that is sometimes human and sometimes a bloody great wolf.

Bloody great wolf.

When he comes to claim Dawn, he claims her very hard indeed. After some initial reluctance on her side (because of course she runs and of course she is unsuccessful), he beats her for her insubordination and then fucks her very thoroughly into submission.

The scene is brutal. If you like your spanking scenes soft and fluffy, this is not the book for you. I am not one of those people. I loved the overwhelming relentlessness of the initial punishment and sex scenes. There is a lot of great sex and spanking in this book but the first scene between Kiba and Dawn is, without a doubt, the best. You may need a cold shower afterwards. I sure did.

Dawn responds quickly and enthusiastically to Kiba's domination. It is after all - according to the mythology of the story - the role she was born to. And, happily, this whip-smart scientist doesn't become a doormatty drudge just because she's pledged her complete subservience to the sexy magic wolf-guy. With her brains and his, well, everything, Kiba and Dawn make a great team.

The fast-moving plot manages to cover evil scientists, shape-shifter emancipation and secret government skulduggery and still manages to find plenty of time for hot as hell sexy stuff. I've never before considered that my dream lifestyle might involve running around naked with a shape-shifting wolf pack but Sara Fields' The Alpha has made the idea seem quite appealing.

Looking for something to read during lockdown?

Plenty of us are a bit limited in the amount of actual IRL sex and spanking we can undertake at the moment.

But that doesn't mean that we can't still enjoy the virtual pleasures of curling up with a nice, sexy spanky novel.

If your virtual bookshelf is looking a bit empty, might I recommend The Liberation of Miss X?

It's a Victorian BDSM romance full of spanky, bondagey fun and historical escapism.

Available at Amazon now!

Go on! You know you want it!

Quick excerpt:

William stared into Flora’s beautiful blue eyes. They looked so open and trusting. They also shone with lust.

What a delight she was. Her tiny frame, blond ringlets and delicate features made her look so very sweet and innocent. And in a way, ‘innocent’ was exactly what she was, sequestered away in the bishop’s palace for all those years.

But the speed and willingness with which she had embraced this new way of life left William in no doubt that this was what she wanted. The mood that she was currently in was in no small way down to the fact that she had spent a good part of yesterday in a dungeon being tied up, whipped and then exquisitely tortured by a woman she had hitherto only met on a handful of occasions.

The experience had evidently made her very, very happy.

She had been innocent because innocence had been imposed upon her. Not because that was what she had wanted. She clearly wanted to enjoy all the pleasures that life had to offer.

But for all that, William reminded himself, she was still technically a virgin. And much as he wished they were man and wife already, they were not yet married. Did Flora realise the significance of what she was asking? What she was offering?

He ran his thumb softly across her face. “Like husband and wife?” he asked. “Would you care to elaborate?”

Flora swallowed. “I should like you to give me as much pleasure as Madame J did yesterday. I mean, if you can…”

If you can! William’s eyebrow shot up at Flora’s words.

Flora giggled at William’s reaction. “I’m sorry, William. I did not intend for that to sound like a challenge.”

“Hmm, I am not so sure I believe that,” said William. His cock felt rock hard beneath the confines of his clothing. Intentional or not, the implied challenge was certainly having an effect on his body. William wanted nothing more than to demonstrate to Flora exactly how much pleasure he could give her.

Flora continued, stammering a little in her nervousness. “I… I know how a man and a woman b-bed one another once they are married. I know that you are often ready for me down there.” Her eyes darted to his crotch. “I can feel it.”

“You want me to make love to you?”

“Yes! Yes, I do.”

“Would you not rather wait until we are legally married?”

“No!” Flora was adorably emphatic. “We are to be married. There is no question of it, surely?”

“None at all.”

“Then what would be the benefit of waiting? Why deny ourselves the pleasure that we could be having right now?”

An excellent point, thought William pulling Flora towards him and once again claiming her mouth with his own. His passions enflamed, William managed to pull himself away long enough to speak.

“Turn around,” he instructed hoarsely.

Saturday Spankings - What they both needed

Happy Saturday! Which means it's Spanking Time! (Although, to be fair, any day is a good day for a spanking.)

I am sharing a snippet from my brand new book, Challenging Chelsey, which was released on Wednesday.

By way of a blurb, I am going to quote in full the lovely five star review I got from Reading4Therapy which sums the book up rather well.

Chelsey is shattered, homeless and ill after the tragic deaths of her parents and brother when she was sixteen. Six years later she is all alone in the world and found living on the street by her deceased brother's best friend. 

After a few months of comfort and care she begins to become too comfortable existing with no apparent goals or progress, so Harry implements a plan which leads to domestic discipline. Unexpected romance with plenty of steam take the reader through the process of making her whole again ending in a HEA! Read in one sitting.

“What happens if I don’t do what I’m told? Do I get punished?”

The snippet below takes place just before Harry spanks Chelsey for the first time. That's a bit of spoiler because the snippet stops before we get to the spanking bit. But c'mon, you all totally know where it's going. (Also, he doesn't actually think she's an idiot. He's just really pissed. Happily, they sort it all out in the course of the book.)

“What the fuck happened yesterday?” snapped Harry.  

Chelsey’s smile faltered, her lips quivered and there was an unmistakable look of guilt in her face. Then she squared her shoulders and looked up at him, clearly determined to brazen it out. “I had a couple of friends round,” she said. “Then we went out to a party. Is that a problem?”  

“Yes. Yes, it is a problem. It’s a problem when you fuck about in my house, smoking Class C drugs and making the place into a fucking pig sty when you’d agreed to tidy the place up. It’s a problem that you bugger off for the whole night without telling me where you are where you were going. Christ, anything could have happened to you Chelsey!”  

“I can take care of myself!”  

“No you can’t! You’re an idiot.”  

Chelsey looked shocked at Harry’s words. The hurt showed clearly on her face and was immediately followed by anger. “Fuck you!” she shouted and struck him squarely across the chest.  

Up until that moment, Harry hadn’t known what he was going to do with Chelsey. Now it seemed crystal clear what she needed. What they both needed. Without a word he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the living room.

Buy it now at Amazon.

Amazon US
Amazon UK

Check out the rest of the participants in this week's Saturday Spankings spanky blog hop!

New Release! Challenging Chelsey

It's an exciting day at Etta Stark Towers. My brand spanking new book Challenging Chelsey goes on sale today!

“What happens if I don’t do what I’m told? Do I get punished?”

Six years ago, Chelsey Roberts’ life fell apart when her parents and older brother were killed in a terrorist attack in London.

When Harry Ratcliffe, her brother’s best friend finds her homeless and begging for change, he offers her a place to stay and the chance to turn her life around. It’s what anyone would do in the circumstances, right? For old times’ sake.

But Chelsey isn’t a teenager anymore. Their feelings for one another grow and Harry discovers that he would do anything for this woman. Including giving her the discipline that she needs.

Harry challenges this erratic young woman to obey him and accept his punishments and through his care, Chelsey finds a new freedom and happiness which helps her overcome the demons of her past.

US Amazon
UK Amazon

The Liberation of Miss X - On Sale Now!

My brand shiny new book The Liberation of Miss X is now on sale! From all good online book retailers, supermarkets, sex shops and gambling dens. (Disclaimer: I haven't actually checked that it will be on sale in all those places. I'd try Amazon first if I were you.)

Guaranteed Hot Corset Action!

London 1890. Flora Taylor has been estranged from her beloved brother, Edward, for five years after their father banished him from the house and refused to have anything to do with him. When she is reunited with him, she is delighted to have him back in her life but, sadly, her happiness is short-lived. 

Edward and his lover, George, are arrested and imprisoned. The laws of Victorian London mean that the two men are facing the prospect of prison with hard labour for the crime of being in love with one another. 

Flora must work with Edward’s friend and solicitor William Beech to secure their release. However, the more time she spends with Mr. Beech, the more she finds herself opening up to feelings and passions that she has never had the chance to explore before. 

As Flora and Mr. Beech fall in love, they explore a world of discipline and submission. A world that is new to Flora but already familiar to Mr. Beech, a member of a very special London club. Flora discovers a world that she never knew existed and that she is more than happy to embrace.

On sale now at:

US Amazon
UK Amazon
Blushing Books

Buy it today! Go on! You know you really, really want to.

Saturday Spankings - "You're all talk"

Happy spanky Saturdays, everyone! My new book The Liberation of Miss X is going to be published in two weeks time on 6th February! It's very exciting.

This week's snippet follows on directly from last week's.

Our dashing 19th century hero, William Beech has just threatened the heroine with a spanking.

Out soon!

Flora took another sip of whisky. Evidently the liquor was loosening her tongue. “No you won’t,” she said dismissively. “You’re all talk.” The words had barely left her lips before she found herself grabbed by the waist as William quickly sat down on one of the dining room chairs and upended her over his lap. She let out a squawk of indignation as her skirts and petticoats were flipped up over her head leaving her bloomer-clad bottom exposed to the lawyer’s gaze. “Flora,” he said calmly. “I don’t believe for a moment that you think I am ‘all talk’. I think you fully intended to spur me into action.”

Check out the other #SatSpanks bloghoppers by clicking on the linky list below.

Happy New Year!

Happy 2020 everyone!

This is going to be an exciting year for me as I will well and truly have my Author Hat firmly back in place.

I have two new books scheduled for the early part of this year -  "The Liberation of Miss X" which will be released on 6th February and "Challenging Chelsey" to be released on  5th March.

Two very different spanky romances! More details soon.

New Christmas Book! Her Christmas Carol

I have a new book out! It's a Christmassy Christmas book for Christmas called 'Her Christmas Carol'.

It is published under the name of Charlotte Cockens (did you see what I did there?) but it's still me!

On sale now!

Did you know that Ebenezer Scrooge wasn’t the only person who was visited by three Christmas Ghosts? Those hardworking spirits have helped many others learn to be better people at this time of year.

The year is 1844 and Elizabeth Stitch is a newlywed has already become jaded and mean-spirited in her marriage. She shows no affection towards her husband, James, and pushes away any attempts at intimacy.

On Christmas Eve she is visited by her long-dead Grandmother who warns Elizabeth not to ignore her passions as she did in life and foretells that she will be visited by three spirits that very night.

What follows is an affectionate homage to Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, full of Victorian charm, Christmas wonder and all the sex and spankings that Mr Dickens unaccountably left out of the original story.

In the words of the Ghost of Christmas Present: “Come in and know me better!”

Amazon US
Amazon UK

Book Review - Rafe the Guardian by Laurel Joseph

Want to know more about the book review star rating system? Or find out what other books I've reviewed? Check out this page here.

Lots of Spanky Fun!

I really enjoyed Rafe the Guardian. I think I have been reading a lot of quite dense, plot-heavy spanking stories lately. Ones where there are lots of hurdles to be overcome and anguish to be dealt with before the hero could get on with the necessary business of putting the heroine of his lap for a good spanking.

Less angst, More spanking, people!

So this story was a breath of fresh air, I can tell you. Plot development is kept to a minimum in order to free up the most amount of time for wall-to-wall spankings.

The poor women in this book! Their arses have barely had the chance to cool from the last spanking before they're upended and being spanked all over again. It's great.

Our primary protagonists are Rafe, a retired lawman, and Mandy, the freshly orphaned daughter of a notorious outlaw. Rafe has been elected to take care of eighteen year old Mandy until she turns twenty-one. Her chaotic upbringing means that she doesn't have the manners or the temperament that Rafe would prefer so a LOT of spankings ensue. Mandy gets her bottom roasted almost within minutes of meeting her new guardian.

Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Repeatedly. On the bare.

Mandy isn't the only lady getting her bottom spanked in this book. Rafe's sister, Katie is also at the receiving end of some very hands-on discipline from her new husband, Wes.

Then we meet Rafe's parents and his two brothers and, blimey, it turns out that the whole family's at it. Seems like the men in that family are attracted to the sort of women who need a good spanking and happily they're all very keen to deliver it.

The book is fast paced and often very funny. The characters are well-drawn and there are several surprises as we get to know them all better. The romance between Rafe and his ward is very sweetly done. Which is great because Rafe might have a very hard hand but you know that he's an absolute sweetie really.

Quoting bits of my favourite spanking romance stories

This is my 'Q' post for the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge. "What's that?" you ask. Check out my page here for more information and a list of all the wonderful bloggers taking part.

I imagine anyone who reads my blog is a fan of spanky romance stories. If you're not, you're probably continually confused about the sort of stuff I write about here. "What the hell?" you must ask yourself. "I just came here for an update on the cricket scores. Why is this woman always going on about bare bottom over-the-knee spankings?"

Just go with it. It's delightful.

I love a spanky romance, and some spanky romances I love so much that I'll return to favourite passages on more than one occasion. Here are some of my favourites.

Geneva DeCroix - Jesslina Meets Lord Piers

Lady's Maid Part 1

This was one of the first erotic spanking books I bought on my Kindle. I loved the story of feisty barmaid Jesslina who has a particularly bad day at work when some poor judgement on her part results in titled landowner, Lord Piers, and his drinking companions getting drenched in beer.

Lord Piers stood and wiped at the ale, which  stained his very expensive clothing. "I've found, Bruns, when a servant of mine is forgetting their place, a dose of the strap often helps. One can't go dismissing a girl for every little error, especially a girl as pretty as this," he said. He reached out and brushed the back of his hand along Jess's cheek.

Bruns started. "But sir, she's a grown woman. I can't strap her like a naughty child."

"Oh but you must. For her own sake and for yours. How will she learn what you expect of her if you don't discipline her?"

Spanking - as you've probably already guessed - ensues.

Renee Rose - Loving Lucia

Loving Lucia

This book was one of my earliest introductions to Renee Rose's wonderful romances. Lucia has been given some misleading (and apparently quite graphic) advice from her servants about to how best to please her husband Marco Donarati, the Count of Parma on their wedding night.

She hesitated just a little before she leaned forward and put her mouth over the tip. He made a low growling sound and shuddered.

Careful not to touch him too much with her teeth, she took him a little farther into her mouth, and then slid him out and tried again. There was a slight salty taste. She tried folding her lips over her teeth, and slid him in and out of her mouth that way, her mouth making a tight sheath around his girth. From the way he jerked and groaned, it seemed to please him.

But before she could get much further with this new activity, he stopped her, putting a hand on her head and pulling out.

"Have you done this before, Lucia?" he asked in a strange, strangled voice.

There follows a bit of a disagreement between our two protagonists. Marco is concerned that his new wife appears to know the sexual techniques of a whore. Lucia is horrified by the suggestion that her new husband might think her anything other than a virgin and slaps his face for suggesting otherwise. Luckily it's soon cleared up once the couple talk things through. Oh and some over-the-knee spanking helps as well of course. It always does.

Annabel Joseph - Disciplining the Duchess

Disciplining the Duchess

Another favourite from back when I was reading erotic spanky romances before I'd ever considered writing one myself. I love awkward unconventional Harmony Barrett. I love how the stiff conventional Duke of Courtland doesn't mean to fall in love with her but does anyway. You know when you can't stop reading a book but you really don't want it to end? Yeah, that.

"When I see you like this..." Her hands were back to teasing at the folds of his cravat. "I... I do not not know what comes over me. I have the most... unladylike... thoughts."

Court came to a slow and bemused realisation. His wife was trying to seduce him - whether intentionally or innocently he did not know. He did not care.

"Untie it," he said in a low voice.

Her steady gaze flickered for a moment. She paused, then he felt her fingers working at the linen. "I hate to disturb it, it looks so lovely," she said as she placed the sapphire-tipped pin in his palm.

He slipped it into the pocket of his coat for his valet to find later. "Tell me about these unladylike thoughts."

 Note: This book is now available as part of the box set Renaissance Discipline

Casey McKay - Cursed Waters

Cursed Waters

Cursed Waters is without doubt the very best zombie and spanking based romance ever written. Although that description does it a disservice. It's a very, very good work of fiction, regardless of genre (and the spanking/zombie fiction genre is a criminally neglected one in any case). And happily it comes with a good dose of zombies, spankings and a wonderfully believable romance between our heroes, Roxy and Trevor.

"Are you agreeing to stick with me?" He questioned her again. She nodded and let out an annoyed sigh. He slid his hand up the back of her leg, snaking up her shorts and taking her ass in his hand. "I won't hesitate to remind you," he said as he gave her cheek a squeeze.

"No way, you're not allowed to just spank me because you feel like it," she protested and pushed his hand away.

He smiled at her. "A natural disaster, a missing person, and strange people inexplicably roaming the sidewalks." Trevor pulled her close against him and placed a kiss on her lips. "We're in crisis mode, babe. Rules don't apply and I will spank your ass if you get out of line." He winked at her and sauntered across the room, stifling a laugh at her stunned expression.

The world might be ending, but he still knew how to tease.

Patricia Green - Eddie, My Love

Eddie, My Love

So imagine a future where fully immersive virtual reality holidays are a thing, like the holodeck on Star Trek: The Next Generation. And then imagine that a twenty-second century young woman has chosen to enjoy a virtual holiday in a 1950s film noir mystery and meets unbelievably sexy, hard boiled private detective, Eddie Strong. She doesn't know if he's a real person enjoying his own virtual holiday or a computer generated avatar. She falls for him, anyway, because Oh my God, why wouldn't you? The man's delicious.

He pulled out the chair and took a seat, patting his thighs.

"Over my lap."

June's voice was low and breathy as she said, "Eddie, we can do so many better things with my panties off, don't you think?"

It was hard to think, but Eddie did his best. "I agree but let's start with a spanking and see where it goes."

She immediately straightened and pouted. Her panties fell down to her ankles and she stepped out of them. "Fine. Have it your way."

"I intend to." He patted his thighs again.

 Note: This book is now available as part of the box set Romantek

Katherine Deane - The Coach's Discipline.

The Coach's Discipline

You wouldn't think I'd be able to relate to this book, given how it's all about physical fitness and whatnot. I don't understand sport. What does it do? Where's the end product? The closest I get to a fitness regime is tapping away at a keyboard. When future technology means I can finally get round to inputting stuff directly from my brain to my laptop, I won't even need to expend that amount of energy.

And despite this, despite being the least sportsiest person ever, I loved this story of runner, Claire Jacobs and her coach, Nick. They're just so bloody lovely together, you see.

"Do you need something else, Jacobs?"

She quickly shook her head, then nodded, then shrugged her shoulders with a huge sigh.

He let out a low chuckle and grinned. "Are you lying to me, young lady?"

Her eyes widened, and she bit her lip as she stammered, "Yes Sir?"

"Do you want me to spank you, Claire?"

Crimson stained her cheeks as she nodded a quick affirmation.

"All you had to do was ask." He smiled and pulled her to a standing position. "Bend over the table."

So there you go, six quotes from six spanky books I love. And I bet none of them will make it into the next edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations because there's no justice in the world. *

* Oh and also because my quotes are way too long for the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations so there's that too.

Melvil Dewey

This is my 'M' post for the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge. "What's that?" you ask. Check out my page here for more information and a list of all the wonderful bloggers taking part.

Today we have a short blog post in praise of Melvil Dewey, the inventor of the Dewey Decimal System. I love a bit of Dewey Decimal Classification myself. It's such an elegant system which works as well today as it did a hundred and thirty years ago.

For a very long time, I wanted to be a librarian when I grew up. (Actually come to think of it, I still do.) I might be massively disorganised in the rest of my life, but there is something about putting books in order thatI find immensely satisfying.

Actually I was a library assistant when I was at secondary school but was relieved of my duties due to gross misconduct and abusing the facilities. (That story isn't anything like as much fun as it sounds.)

But aside from the Dewey Decimal Classification System, do you know what else is awesome about Melvil Dewey?

He was originally born Melville but as a staunch supporter of spelling reform, removed the redundant final two letters from his name. I rather like his 'put your money where your mouth is' approach there. He was such a firm believer in the cause to simplify spelling that he was prepared to cut his name by 25% in order to prove it. You go, Melv!

He also changed his surname to Dui for a while but then - presumably realising it was stupid - changed it back again. Expecting people to pronounce 'Dui' as 'Dewey' kind of sums up everything that's unworkable about trying to simplify spelling. We all read things differently.

He was a founder of the Lake Placid club whose menus were written in Dewey's reformed spelling:

A September 1927 menu is headed "Simpler spelin" and features dishes like Hadok, Poted beef with noodls, Parsli or Masht potato, Butr, Steamd rys, Letis, and Ys cream. It also advises guests that "All shud see the butiful after-glo on mountains to the east just befor sunset. Fyn vu from Golfhous porch."

What the actual fuck? That's gobbledygook. Or as Dewey would probably have me write it "Wot the actwl fuk?

Not that I'm knocking the bloke. Library Classification Systems! Spelling! What could possibly be sexier?

Saturday Spanking - "He had no idea what had possessed him to spank her"

Still don't know what I'm going on about? Check out the Saturday Spankings blog here.

It's Saturday Spankurday! I have been horribly absent from the whole SatSpanks scene recently. Not because I don't love you all fellow Satspankers but because I have been distracted by a bunch of non-Etta Stark projects I've been involved with. Plus I'm not actively pimping any books at the moment.

Although the 'not actively pimping any books' thing means I'm free to choose whichever of my books I really wish more people would read. That would be Lord Westbrook's Muse. I've described it as a sort-of-sequel to Lady Westbrook's Discovery but you don't need to have read that one first. It's got everything you could possibly want in a book! Presuming everything you want includes stuffy Lords, mysterious women, nineteenth century women's rights, the Rational Dress movement, evil uncles, drunkenness, bad decisions, confrontations at gunpoint and happily ever afters. And spanking, obviously. Tons and tons of spanking, In fact, if you don't want all those things, there's probably no hope for you.


Our hero, Lord Robert Westbrook spent the previous evening soundly spanking and then making love to his mother's house guest, Cass. He's feeling pretty good about it.

Robert woke the next morning feeling wonderful. He could not remember the last time he had slept so well.

Was it because of the time he had spent yesterday with Miss Glen? He rather thought it was. He had no idea what had possessed him to spank her the way he did. Well, clearly she had put the idea into his head but making her bend over the bed while he administered a spanking to her bare backside was clearly outrageous behaviour. He had shocked himself by doing it. 

When he had concluded the spanking, his senses had come back to him. He looked at the girl bent over in front of him – practically a stranger, a houseguest of his mother’s for goodness sake and wondered what on earth he had done. When she had turned to face him from her prostrate position over the footboard, he had expected to see retribution in her eyes. Or fear. Instead her eyes were unmistakably full of pure lust.

"Full of pure lust" Yup, good work book cover model.

Check out the rest of the awesome Saturday Spankings contributors below:

Books I masturbated to as a Teenager Part 1 - "An Anthology of Erotic Prose" *

*This isn't really going to be an ongoing series. Don't worry.

Essential Reading for every 1990s teenager. Possibly.
Essential Reading for me, anyway.

You know, even two years ago, I wouldn't have have guessed that at some point in the future, I'd be sharing my favourite teenage masturbatory literature with the whole of the world wide web. Yet these days, it seems positively normal behaviour. Talk about the most wanked-over book on my teenage bookshelf? Sure, that's a thing I would totally do. In fact, I'm doing it right now.

(Although before we continue, please rid yourself of any mental images that "wanked over" may have conjured up. I didn't mean it literally. I am a lady and therefore tidy and discreet.)

People growing up in the digital age now have a world of porn and erotica just at the other end of a WiFi connection what with your PornHub, Two Girls One Cup and every kind of erotic literature available from the deliciously romantic to the downright bloody weird downloadable onto your kindle in seconds.

Anyone born from the mid eighties onwards would struggle to understand just how difficult it was to get hold of porn before the internet. Especially if you were a well brought-up, massively kinky, somewhat conflicted burgeoning feminist who knew she didn't want to look at 'conventional' Razzle-style pornography but none-the-less wanted a bit of external stimulation to augment the ongoing 18-rated storylines in her head.

Best Value Shag Mag Ever, apparently. Occasionally available in hedges.

I bought An Anthology of Erotic Prose (ed. Derek Parker) some point in my mid-teens. It quickly became very well-thumbed indeed. This collection of over fifty examples of erotic writing was presented chronologically so it started with an excerpt from the Arabian Nights ("The Medinah Girl put her hand to his yard and handled it") and finish with Erica Jong's Fear of Flying ("The zipless fuck was more than just a fuck. It was a platonic ideal.")

The authors included the usual erotic suspects - John Cleland, Casanova, Anais Nin - obviously the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher Masoch both get an entry each. Not to mention half a dozen entries from 'Anon'. He wrote a lot of filth that guy.

Sade and Masoch. Everyone's favourite double act.

There were also a whole bunch of authors not usually associated with erotic writing like Mark Twain, Henry Miller and Gore Vidal. Basically the entire anthology was the equivalent of going through a bunch of books and just reading the dirty bits. Which, let's face it, is what I'd been doing beforehand. It was so much more civilised to have someone do the hard work for me and put inside a pretty cover.

Obviously not everything included in the book was a turn-on. In fact most of it wasn't. But you know it was the 1990s and I was grateful for whatever I could get. Even the stuff that it seemed like it should be my kind of thing (and we all know that my kind of thing generally involves spanking, yes?) didn't always read the way I wanted it to. The extract from Miss Coote's Confession gets off to a promising start when a young woman with a tendency towards thievery is being discussed: "Have they never tried a good whipping?" Miss Cootes asks regarding the girl's parents. She then goes on to offer to cure the girl as long as she is given carte blanche to punish the girl in her own way.

Her own way being a sound thrashing of course. So by and by, the girl is invited over, gets caught red-handed an finds herself stretched out with "her chemise rolled up" awaiting chastisement. I was very fond of this extract for the most part. Ideally I prefer a gentleman to administering the punishment rather than a lady but that's a minor complaint. There's a page or so of the actual punishment which I re-read on many occasions. "You bad girl. Your bottom shall be marked for many a day. I'll wager you don't steal as long as the marks remain."

Problem is the author (the prolific "Anon") blows it in the last few paragraphs when she says "All the spectators are greatly moved and seem to enjoy the sight of Selina's blood dripping down, down till her stockings are saturated and it forms little pools beneath her on the floor."

Ah, right. Blood. Yeah, that's not sexy. I prefer my damn good thrashings to be administered without blood loss, thank you very much. Still, I worked round it. On subsequent occasions, I just remembered to stop reading before I got to that bit.

Another favourite of mine in this anthology was an extract from Jean de Berg's The Image (1956) in which the narrator looks at some photographs of young woman to whom he has been previously introduced called Anne.

The buttocks are marked in every direction by deep lines, very clear and distinct, which crisscross the central crack, more or less stressed according to how hard the whip fell. 

This picture of little Anne chained to her bed, on her knees in a most uncomfortable position, is obviously more moving because of the cruel evidence of the torture she has undergone. The black ironwork forms a pattern of elegant arabesques behind her.

My favourite inclusion in the Anthology, wasn't even a work of a literary prose. Rather it was a letter written in 1785 by an anonymous correspondent to the editor of The Exhibition of Female Flagellants offering helpful advice to the engraver on how best to illustrate women having their backsides thrashed. It is clearly a matter in which he had a deep and resounding interest. "To see the representation of an agreeable young lady having her petticoats pulled up and her pretty pouting backside laid bare and seeming to feel the tingling stripes of a Rod is amusing enough." He recommends that the arses depicted should be "round, plump and large, rather over than under the size which the usual proportions of painters and statuaries would allow." Quite right too.

It was a hugely nostalgic experience reading through this anthology again after several decades. I couldn't find my original copy - I suspect it's up in my parents' loft somewhere so had ordered a replacement from Amazon which is happily exactly the same edition as my original. Everything - from the cover to the layout to the size of the thing (just slightly too large and heavy to comfortably hold in one hand, in case you're wondering) takes me right back to those furtive teenage fumblings. Proust had memories evoked by the taste of a madeleine dipped in tea. I, however, have eighteenth century perverts talking about arses.

If only I could go back and show teenage me what delights were awaiting me in the twenty-first century.That rather than having to trawl through books to find snatches of things that kinda sorta fitted my fantasies, there would be hundreds of books available containing just the sort of thoroughly stern and frequently romantic spankings that I wanted to read about. Just the Victorian and Regency section of the Blushing Books website would have been more than I could have wished for. If I had known back then, the range and variety of filth that would be accessible to middle-aged me, it would have blown my kinky, conflicted, horny little adolescent mind.