Happy Easter!

Given that I've acknowledged every other significant holiday since starting this blog, I don't want Easter to feel left out. But seriously, who cares about Easter? It's such a poor second to Christmas. A couple of days off work but then it pretty much passes without comment.

Nobody's complaining that Easter seems to start earlier and earlier each year or banging on about companies sticking Easter adverts on the television for months beforehand or shops decking their shopfronts out in bonnets and daffodils from mid-February onwards.

I do acknowledge that there might be somewhat more significance than copious amounts of chocolate and a long weekend for Christians. I am, as I've mentioned before, a godless Heathen. One thing I particularly like about Easter is how its Pagan and Christian roots seem to exist together harmoniously. The name of the festival is taken from the Pagan Goddess Eostre who is responsible for so much of what we consider to be an essential part of the Easter holiday - rabbits, spring flowers, three-for-two deals on Cadbury's Creme Eggs, that sort of thing. 

Also bird boxes, storks and smacking flying babies in the face.

It's the reason I have no time for Misunderstanding-What-Political-Correctness-Actually-Means idiots who occasionally suggest that 'Christmas' be rebranded something a little less Jesus-centric like 'Winterval'. We use the Christian name for Christmas and the Pagan name for Easter. It seems eminently fair. And regardless of whether you're a Christian or a Mother Nature worshipping hippy, everyone can agree that this is the festival of new life and rebirth.

And Cadbury's Creme Eggs, obviously.

So I hope you are all having wonderful Easter weekends. Although, a quick look at Wikipedia suggests that you lot on the other side of the Atlantic don't actually have Easter Monday as a public holiday. No Boxing Day AND no Easter Monday? Sucks to be you, Americans. I know you have other holidays that we Brits don't (that one where you celebrate when Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved the planet from aliens, for example) but I'm worried you don't have any that give you more than one day off at a time. Even Thanksgiving always takes place on a Thursday. A Thursday. What use is that to anyone?

Tell you what, you sort your bank holidays out and I'll consider moving over there. Probably to New York because I continually get lost finding my way about - even in the town that I've lived in since I was four. The numbered grid system of New York was the most amazing thing ever. It's like when the characters in Corbin's Bend books find a community that accommodates their spanking lifestyle. In New York, I felt I found a place that understood my absolute lack of any kind of sense of direction whatsoever.

I promise I won't even bring any Highly Illegal Kinder Eggs when I come.

Have wonderful, amazing, chocolate-y and hopefully spanky Easters, all of you. And to those of you whose Governments give you the day off work tomorrow, enjoy your lie-in.

Saturday Spankings - "I'm too angry to do this"

There's no need to look so surprised, missy. This happens every week.

Happy Saturday, spankfans! And happy Labor Day to my American readership! (And my Canadian readership, of course. You guys even spell Labour Day properly).

I have no idea what Labor Day entails but if it gets you the day off work and maybe some cake then it's got to be worth having.

I just whipped these up.
I am going to eat them one after another until I feel slightly sick
and am sweating blue frosting in support of you guys.

This week's spanky snippet comes from my first book, His Lordship's Apprentice.

Former scullery maid, Violet Plover has been promoted to the position of magician's assistant to her employer, Lord Hardcastle. She's remarkably talented, agile and a quick learner. Unfortunately she's also hotheaded and prone to jumping to the wrong conclusions.

When Lord Hardcastle tentatively brings up the idea of the two of them embarking on a relationship, she assumes that he means to dishonour her and responds by shouting insults at him and hefting heavy items at his head. Lord Hardcastle is not amused.

His face was set as hard as granite. He grabbed a leather strap which had been used to secure one of the props trunks and took several swift strides towards Violet grabbing her forcefully by the arm. He pulled her towards the desk and pushed her over the desktop so that her face was pressed against the wood and her bottom was raised in the air. His hand pressed down heavily on the small of her back so that she could not move from her position. 

Violet heard the noise of the strap swishing through the air and held her breath waiting for the thick leather to make contact with her body.

But the contact never came - instead the strap forcefully struck the side of the desk to Violet’s left.

Lord Hardcastle threw the strap away from him and let go of Violet. “I’m too angry to do this” he said softly. “Just go.”

Don't worry folks! He calms down later and the spanking still happens.

Remember to check out the rest of this week's Saturday Spankers on the list below.